Emma is who God made her

I think I have touched on this before here, but wanted to write again. I have received some emails and comments on other websites regarding how parents of disabled children have to undergo the stages of grief for their "loss". I wanted to give my opinion on that.

First and most importantly, we have had no loss. Emma is who God made her. Sure I might have wished for a healthy child running around with her twin sister, but I don't grieve because she isn't. I think grieving over her disability and who she is, would be like grieving over her having brown hair instead of blond. Her medical issues are a huge part of who she is, and I honestly can't imagine her being any other Emma than the one she is now.

From the very beginning, I have been able to accept her for all she is, and also for what she isn't. I don't look at her and think of her like strangers might. They see what she isn't. I see what she is. She is perfect in my eyes. Sure I wish she didn't have to go through the type of life she has had to, I wish she didn't have to endure the things she has had to endure, the pain the heartaches. But doesn't everyone wish that for their children, even the healthy ones? You wish their first love didn't break their heart, or that they hadn't broken their arm in a tree climbing accident, or that they didn't get the chicken pox at Christmas time. But its not our choice on how life is dealt to us, its God's and the only thing we can do is accept it and enjoy it while it lasts and look forward to the perfectness of Heaven.

That being said, sure we do therapy, and we have surgery and we take medicines. Accepting things doesn't mean you give up trying to improve quality of life and help them be the best they can be.

So no, I do not grieve, I do not mourn the loss of a "perfect" child, because in my eyes she is perfect just the way God made her. I hope one day that everyone can understand that, and I pray that parents with other children with special needs will be able to see things like I do. Its much more peaceful to accept than to fight it.