Back in my younger days, I was a pretty good writer, not great but good. I enjoyed it very much. Over the years my writing passion has hidden behind kids and PTA meetings, working, and spending time with my husband, dishes and doctors appointments. But tonight I tried to write something for Emma. Its a prose of sorts not really a poem and its not exactly what I wanted it to be but it does a pretty good job of saying what I mean to say so I thought I would share it.
You can not speak, yet we have spoken a million times
You talk with your heart, and those big brown eyes you got from Daddy
And the two of those, talk louder than the biggest crowd of people
You can not walk, yet we have strolled many a mile in my mind
I see us walking hand in hand skipping and playing and laughing
One day we will do that, if not here on earth, we will in Heaven
You can not dance, yet I have dreamed of a beautiful ballet
One starring you in a fluffy purple tutu and shoes
You will dance one day my love, and I will be there to cheer you on
You are not like the other kids but that is ok
You are more special in every single way
Some see you as "broken" but I see you as whole, because that is what you have made me. Whole.
You are stronger than a lion, more beautiful than the angels
Just the very thought of you makes people smile
And those who are blessed to know you, are better people becasue of it
You can not yell at me when you need my help
You can not say "Momma I need you"
But despite that I will always be there to help, whenever you need me
Your hands can not hold mine unless I help you with them
Once you do hold them though you won't let go
I won't ever let go of you my baby girl, for all eternity I will love you
I asked God to give me a daughter but I think he made a mistake
Not in who you are and what you can do and what you can't
He sent me an angel instead, the most perfect creature I have ever seen
On top of that he sent me two, first my Emma and then little Ella boo
I get so jealous of your twin sister, she is the only one who knew you before you got hurt
Sharing a space inside of me, that only the two of you could know
God sent you here for a reason, and I still haven't figured it out
Was it to make me a stronger Mommy? Or to bless those who know you?
Perhaps it is a bit of both, either one its an honor to be your Mom
My baby girl, you make me so very proud in all you do
And I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve the Honor
of being Called the most beautiful words ever "Emma's Momma".
Friday, March 28, 2008
Posted by LJR at 12:57 AM
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I took the above picture in Oklahoma City near the National Memorial, its called Jesus Weeping. I thought it was a pretty picture to top today's blog.
Emma's great grandma was laid to rest today. It was a beautiful service, very happy and full of friends and family. Even my old school teacher and dear family friend was there, and it really made my day to see her, it had been way to long. I got to brag all day about my kids, and about how special Emma is.
It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining and it made for a perfect day to say goodbye to one of the most perfect and beautiful women I have ever known.
Derek was sick last night throwing up with a fever, and Emma had a slight fever and am wondering if she might have a small cold. So Dad stayed home with them today and got to have a "fun" day too. I don't think they gave him too much trouble.
I am not really in the mood to write, so forgive me for being short, I just wanted to update you all on how the day went.
Posted by LJR at 10:10 PM
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I love you Poppy. Like Ella said "I am sorry about your Momma" if I could talk I would say that too and when I see you I am going to give you special love. You and I never have needed words Poppy, we just understand each other. I hope you find comfort in knowing that your Mommy won't be hurting anymore and that is she is with angels and having a grand ol' time with your Daddy. If I could I would rub your hair, because just like me, I know it makes you feel relaxed and comfy and I think you need that right now. You are so special to me and I am sending you big big kisses in my head. I love you so much I had Mommy type this so the whole world could see how special you are to me.
Hugs and Kisses,
Posted by LJR at 11:12 PM
Emma's great Grandma passed away this week, and her funeral will be tomorrow. She was a wonderful woman, and I can't see myself not making a note here on the blog about her. The kids are not going to the funeral for various reasons, Derek is sick, Ella is young and I don't want her confused, and Emma is kind of hard to move around in a cemetary. But I know they will be there in Sprit. I will go to represent our family and to say my goodbyes.
I went to the funeral home tonight and Betty looks beautiful, the flowers are perfect and everything is set for a loving funeral tomorrow. Her hair was perfectly done which I know she would have been happy about.
I just ask all our readers to pray not for myself, or for Emma but for Dave and Diane who are Betty's children. (Dave is Emma's Poppy I have metioned here a million times) I know it will be a hard time for them both and for her children as well as my sister and myself but Dave and Diane both have done their parts the last few years to make sure their mom had a good life and was taken care of. Their sorrow must be very hard to bare, but we all understand she is with the Lord now and in a place she can no longer hurt or be sick. She is with her husband and that is a big comfort for all of us she left behind. She had a long and wonderful life, and I feel blessed to have been a part of that.
Here is her obit for those interested.
Betty Hayward, 90, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, died Monday, March 24, 2008, in Norman, Oklahoma. Funeral Services will be held at 1 p.m., Thursday, March 27, 2008, at the Havenbrook Funeral Home Chapel with Reverend Pam Normile officiating. Interment will follow at the Rose Hill Cemetery in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Services are under the direction of Havenbrook Funeral Home of Norman, Oklahoma.Betty Hayward was born in Denver, Colo. on June 18, 1917, to Charles and Myrtle Clark. She grew up in her beloved Palmer Lake, Colo. until she went away to Colorado College in Colorado Springs. She always thought of that as such a "magical time". That also being the time when she met her future husband, Bob Hayward. They were married July 31, 1938 and spent the next 52 years together until his death in October of 1990.A devoted wife, mother, and homemaker, Betty also enjoyed playing bridge and community volunteer work. In 1973 a debilitating stroke limited her activities somewhat, but never her spirit or resolve.Betty was also preceded in death by her parents and her oldest son, Robert C. Hayward. She is survived by two sisters, Charlene McCall of Colorado Springs, Colo. and Muriel Anderson of Montrose, Colo; daughter and son-in-law, Diane and Ken Dragg, and two grandsons, Ryan and Chris Dragg, all of Norman; a son, David Hayward, and daughter-in-law, Jean Cochran and two granddaughters, Lisa Pergande and Lori Richards all of Norman; and a granddaughter, Tiffany Stewart of Bakersfield, Calif. Six great grandchildren survive her as well.
Posted by LJR at 10:42 PM
Sunday, March 23, 2008
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead "1 Peter 1:3
We had a great Easter here at home. Emma got a cross, a webkinz doll that is a pink poodle, a chocolate bunny and got to hunt eggs thanks to the Easter bunny. The first pic I posted is of her HOPE cross. I love it, the "Easter bunny" did a good job finding it for her. She got the chocolate bunny even if she can't eat it because its tradition and I didn't want her to feel left out.
Daddy got called into to work early so we had to rush a bit today but all in all it was good. The kids hunted eggs and then we ate spiral cut glazed ham, mashed potatos, green beans, hawaiian rolls, deviled eggs and black olives. Ella put all the olives on her fingers and at them off, it was funny.
HAPPY EASTER TO ALL OUR FRIENDS!!
Posted by LJR at 9:36 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Well, turns out the metro lift bus does not run to my Mom's on Saturdays. Yesterday was their annual egg hunt at their neighboorhood pond/park and Emma could not attend. We just couldn't get her and all her stuff in a car, there is too much to bring. But next year we will ride on Friday and spend the whole weekend and return on Monday.
Ella and Derek did go. I will have some pictures later I might post. The kids hunt by age groups and in each group their were 2 golden eggs. Ella found one! She turned it in for a $5 walmart card. Derek was really upset over that and cried and threw a huge fit, it was embarrising so his Poppy walked him all the way around the pond and home, to avoid onlookers and by the time we all got home he was calmed down and wanted to open his eggs he got.
It was nice to go over there, but I missed Emma. My mother made a wonderful ham and it was very tasty. I want more, and it makes my mouth water thinking of it.
Emma slept most of the day according to dad, so I don't think she cared. Nanny sent home a present for her, it was a little turtle figurine she can look at. I guess since I love turtles Emma will too. She loved looking at it last night when I was doing her physical therapy. Ahh phsyical therapy. Let me just say that big kids in diapers is no fun. I was moving her around and about that time she decided it was time to wet her diaper, but it had shifted and bunched and she wet all over her bed! Had to change her wet pad she lays on at and she was pretty mad that she got wet. She yelled through her trach at me.
Still no nursing to be heard of, but that is fine with our family, the last few weeks have been wonderful we can all sleep at normal hours, and go at our own pace, no strangers bringing in sick germs and attitudes and its nice to raise my child without outside help, it just feels so "normal".
Have a blessed Sunday everyone! Thanks for stopping by
Posted by LJR at 10:42 AM
Monday, March 10, 2008
Emma's grandma (NANNY) found some old pics of Emma that I had never seen so I thought I would share them with you all. They are too precious for words, I can't believe that she was ever that small. I remember holding her and thinking her head was as small as an apple. Her whole hand could barely wrap around your finger she was so tiny. She is all grown up now, and its so hard to believe! I am so proud of my girl.
Dec 2004 getting her trach suctioned
Emma Feb.. 13, 2005 she had already had CPR done on her 2 times at this size!
Dec 2004, the day she came home from the hospital
Mommy and Emma on the day she came hom Dec 2004
Poppy and Emma early 2005
Posted by LJR at 9:57 PM
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Well there isn't much to update but I thought I better before everyone thinks Emma forgot about them! She is finally over being sick and is doing great. She has been busy watching nascar on Sunday's with Mommy, which I love.
We switched to day time nursing with our nursing company 3 days a week 12 hour shifts but so far they haven't found me anyone that will work out. So we are without nursing right now, which is fine by me. Having somewhere here during the day is weird. They are doing all the work I am capable of doing myself. Emma just requires such little nursing care that I feel like we are wasting valuable nurses having them here.
I know some kids are in hospitals waiting to go home, because they can't find nurses to cover there shifts. It seems like such a waste for us to be hogging the nurses just to start Emma's feedings and change her diapers. I can do that! I don't mind. Its been a lot more normal around here lately, and for once in 3 years I feel like a regular family. Emma hasn't been in the hospital, we don't have nurses hanging around, and everything is running smoothly. Honestly all the nursing company does is stress me out, trying to send people who have no idea what they are doing out here, that sort of thing.
I guess about a week ago, Emma's brother Derek lost another tooth. That is 4 since Dec. and he has 2 more loose but we aren't wiggling them. If the looses those he will have 4 gone on top and it will make it hard for him to eat! He got a dollar from the tooth fairy and he was very excited.
Not much else going on, other than counting down until Easter. This year I have it planned out to take the small metro bus over to my Mom's with Emma that way she can do the Easter Egg hunt that Mom's home owners do over there. The Easter Bunny will be there and it will be neat to get Emma's picture with her. Derek and Ella can ride with my mother and we will all be there for Easter fun. The kids always have fun doing that, last year it got cancelled because it snowed, I hope it doesn't snow this year.
That's my short update for now, sorry but there just isn't that much to share lately, Emma is doing wonderfully.
Posted by LJR at 12:08 PM