For Daniel...

PIC OF EMMA'S LOCK OF HAIR AND SMALL RED HEART, IN HOMER'S HAND FOR THE FUNERAL, HER PICTURE WAS ALSO IN HIS CASKET.


I wrote this on the plane coming home last night from Emma's boyfriends funeral. I really wanted to share it with everyone, since when they asked at his funeral for people to say a few words, I was upset and not prepared and I don't feel like what I said there was enough for him. So I wrote him a letter.... (BTW Sorry its long and probably full of typos, I am tired)

My dearest Homer,

When I found out you were gone all I could think of was your poor Mommy and Daddy and how terrible they must be feeling. I had a strong urge to get by your Mommy's side as quickly as I could and be there for her and your Daddy.

Things worked out and I got on a plane. All the way to Michigan I didn't know if I should be sad about you, or excited because I was finally going to get to see your handsome face. I knew your spirit was gone, but for some reason I had the overwhelming need to see the perfect body that held you for six and half years. Perfect is what you were, despite your limitations. Perfect on the inside and the outside.

I got the the funeral home and peaked through the crowd and saw you laying in your casket. I started crying very hard. I was rushed with emotions, but mainly guilt. Guilt that the first time I was seeing you was in your casket and not at home watching simpsons or listening to your music. For that I will forever be sorry.

Just then I saw your Mommy. The amazing woman who brought you into this world and loved you so deeply. We hugged and cried and laughed. She said "You are so beautiful" to me but I thought she was crazy. She is the beautiful one not me.

I walked over to get a closer look at the boy who has held Emma's heart and mine for so long. At first I smiled, your Mommy is right you do look a lot like Emma and that warmed my heart. Then I cried, because you were, just like in your pictures, the most handsome boy I have ever seen. Your trach was still in, even if you don't need it where you are now. Your hair was spiked up front, just like your Daddy likes. I remember whispering I love you and I kissed you right between the eyebrows. That was the first spot I kissed all my kids, and you my dear son in law are no exception. I sang you are my sunshine softly into your little ear, kissed your head, heart, hands and eyes. The eyes I heard stories about you "talking" with. The eyes I never got to look into in person and see your soul. But I have felt you, and seen those eyes in pictures so much that I felt as if you spoke to me all along. I kept my promise and pinched those fat cheeks just like I said I would when I first met you, I just wish you had been here to smile inside when I did it.

Your funeral was perfect just like you. Your buddy Jay had us all smiling with his heartfelt speech. Your mommy and daddy spoke and touched all of us. Daddy wrote a beautiful song for you. and Great Aunt Katy and Uncle Ron sang as beautiful as the angels. Ucnle David said a poem, and we knew he loved you so much. Uncle Billy had a letter that was read, I never knew you changed hs life the way you did. said I a little something nothing planned but from my heart. It didn't begin to cover how I feel about you. So here I am on a plane looking out the window and seeing heavens clouds hoping I might get a short glimpse of of you flying by, running and playing in Heaven.

To meet your family was a blessing. To watch the love your Mommy and Daddy have for you, warmed my heart. Your daddy showed me all your tickle spots and kissy spots. Every time he kissed your little body I couldn't help but smile and cry all at the same time. He so loved his boy and always will. I saw what an amazing Mommy you have, when she brought me over and introduced you to me, and fixed your hair and straightened your clothes. You brought me them to my life Homer, and for that I will be forever grateful.

All the service was very nice, yet in the back of my mind, way back there I kept thinking I wish people would hurry up so I could go back up there and kiss you. Then when it was over, I suddenly wished someone else would get up and talk or one more song would play so I didn't have to say goodbye.

My legs could barely carry me as I walked to pay my respects. I know I will see you in Heaven again some day so I didn't say goodbye. I said what any cool 6 and a half year old would say. I said "Later Gator" and imagined you smiling down on me and saying "After while crocodile"

So later, gator save a dance for me in Heaven but make sure to save one for Miss Emma too. She will forever love you, just as we all will. I will miss you every day until then, and keep your pics close to Emma so she won't cry. I will always love you, my dearest son in law.

Love,

Momma2