Random thoughts on prayer...

Ever wonder if you are praying for the wrong thing? I was thinking today in church about what I really want and what I am praying for. I watched a show last night on tv called "Prayers for Bobby" about a homosexual man who killed himself after being denied by his family. Not sure how I got to watching it, but I did and it was very thought provoking. Now I am not saying I agree with the things it was about, or that homosexuals are born or not born gay or can change, or anything like that but it got my mind thinking about what I pray for.

When Bobby told his parents his he gay his mother got a therapist and prayed for him to change. To go away from sin and to change who he was to "fix him". Later, after he killed himself she said she should have prayed for his happiness and acceptance . That one scence "I prayed for the wrong thing" got me thinking.

So as I was sitting in church today, getting ready to pray for my daily prayer of "Give Emma a miracle" I realized something. I am praying for the wrong thing! God already gave Emma a miracle. He gave her life. She faught in the NICU and by his grace won, it was his plan to send her home to us. Her heart stopped and he gave her the strength to fight and stay with us. So why am I praying for what we already have?! We already have our miracle.

I have prayed her whole life for God to "fix her" not because I don't love who she is, but because I wanted her to have all the chances the other kids have. No one wants to see their kid with a trach and a vent, its hard. I prayed so hard, thinking like Matthew 21:22 said ""And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." If I prayed hard enough she would be fixed. But God doesn't always answer our prayers like we think. God hasn't made her walk and talk, but God gave her life, he gave her a chance. That is her miracle. I just had to open my eyes and my heart to God and see he had already answered my prayer.

I believe in miracles don't get me wrong. But I think with a realistic brain too sometimes. Emma has brain damage, nothing will ever change that. I do hope one day with God's help she will walk and talk and do a few things, but I know she will NEVER be normal. I accept that, and its Ok. She is who she is, and she is the best Emma she can be. No disappointment from this Momma, just lots and lots of pride in my girl.

I prayed during my pregnancy for two live babies, after being told there was a 50% chance that one or both would die. Again I prayed for the wrong thing. I should have prayed for for healthy babies, or the strength to handle a "bad" outcome. It was God's will though to send me a daughter like Emma, so I could learn new things and so she could touch the lives of others. I accept that and I actually thank him for that, I know that sounds crazy but I do. Its changed alot of who I am for the better.

So what do I want for Emma? What should I pray for? Of course I will pray for continued health that is a given. But I am going to pray that each day is a blessing to her and that she will bless those who she sees or touches that day, including you blog readers of course! That is all I want for Emma to feel continually blessed and for her to touch the lives of as many people as she can. To make people more tolerant of those who are diffrent, for them to accept her for who she is and for them to feel a little bit of her love. I want people to look at her and not see her machines. I want them to look at her and see her as the miracle she is, she is living proof their is a God and he is very very good. I hope people will see that.

Sorry so long winded, have a lot on my mind I wanted to share. Thank you again for reading and praying for us!