Emma's Journey

Today is a very special anniversary of sorts. One I would rather not have to commemorate but its also one I embrace in celebrating, if that makes any sense at all. Today marks the 4th anniversary of Emma coming home on her ventilator.

It is so hard to believe its been 4 years. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, but then I sit and think of all the things that have happened since then and it feels like a little lifetime. In fact, thanks to that vent we have been able to have a little lifetime. Emma's lifetime!

That vent has given us something very special. Time with Emma. I hate to think where we would be without it. It has not worked alone, God has been there every single second, helping it right along. We have been given 4 Christmas times we might not have had, 4 birthdays, a few trips to the dinosaur museum, trips to the park, and the chance to take Emma to church and the opportunity to meet some of the most wonderful and dear people in our lives. Its given me 1,461 more nights to tuck her in and say her prayers. Its given me around 9,000 more diapers to change and 9,000 more meals to start on her feeding pump, which I despite sounding like a pain in the rear end I am glad to have been able to do.

What looks like a box with some tubes and blinking lights to most people, looks like a lifesaver to me. It may sound corny but its like looking at a piece of Heaven, an extension of God himself almost, breathing life into my little girl.

If I have learned anything from this experience, its that every day we have with her is a gift. I will never take one day for granted. I cherish every moment we have with her. It makes me apply that same principle to my other children too. You have no idea how precious life can be until its almost lost.

I think back to the dreadful times that Emma's breathing and heart stopped and how we had to do CPR. I remember crying and screaming and saying to God that I wasn't ready for him to take her. With this ventilator I know other than an illness, that kind of apnea will not take her from us. Its such a piece of mind, that little blinking box with tubes coming from it.

We have never lost faith, during all our darkest hours, and we never will. It is truly by his grace, not just the doctors and machines that Emma is here. So today I thank God for hearing my prayers, and answering my prayers. I know looking at Emma, you would think she was really sick and needed a miracle. But we have gotten our miracle, God has heard us. He has given us her life, it might not seem like a wonderful life from someone on the outside looking it, being hooked up to machines and not being able to walk or talk, but it is her life and that makes it the most precious thing ever.


I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4) I am not longer afraid of nights like the CPR nights, he has taken away my fears, he has answered me, he has given Emma a chance for happiness, he has given her life, first at birth, then twice the nights she left us and needed CPR, and again July 5, 2005 when she came home to us on her ventilator.

The fireworks were postponed last night here, due to rain. But I think in a way maybe they were meant to be done today, the real day that my family, and that Emma gained her independence!