Eye appointment went A-OK

Emma went to the eye dr on Thursday. No big news to share. We went to find out what we could do about Emma's crusty, icky , gunky eyes. She does blink, but not as good as she should. Well, the eye ointment we have to use to keep her eyes from drying (any eye ointment for that matter) holds bacteria close to her eyes so she tends to get eye infections easily. He gave us a prescription for some eye antibiotics to use as I see fit when her eys flare up. Told me to wash her eyes with baby shampoo, which I kind of already knew to do. He was see us in 3 months to see if anything changes with the new cleaning/ointment routine. He did say her optic nerve and pupils look great, so she is seeing , which we already knew but its nice to have confirmation of that.



We finished early so while waiting on our ride we went to the farm supply store and shopped. We saw baby chicks and ducks, and shopped for boots but didnt find any we liked that well. I am not even sure I could get Emma's fat little flintstone feet in boots, but did find some for our brother though, will have to have him try them on first. Above are some pictures I took while out. The lollipop came from the doctors, then we saw some John Deere stuff, a saddle Emma likes for her imaginary horse, and some cowgirl boots, and don't forget we had to carry our Homer Simpson doll with us in honor of Emma's boyfriend Daniel who is her angel now.

PT and grocery shopping

Emma went to PT today, after really long break of not going thanks to waiting on insurance approval to go back this year. She did ok, we spent most of the day trying to figure out what to do with her hips. They are terrible. I can barely get her in a bathtub anymore and you have to turn sideways to go through a door. Her therapist Amy said she was pretty sure they are sliding in and out of the socket when we move them. It doesn't seem to hurt Emma, she yelled a little bit but I was shocked not to get the response I thought I would out her over something like that.

So braces for her hips and possibly surgery are in store. We have to see a dr then another one most likely first. I am ok with the surgery idea, I hate to see her go through that and then be casted but I really want to get her legs fixed. I would hate to do 6 months of braces, with no results and then end up doing sugery anyway. I know that lots of kids hate their braces, I know that her boyfriend Homer hated his.

If surgery is an option I might just push for it soon. It would be nice to get it done in the summer so Derek and Ella could stay at family's house and I could spend all the time with Emma while in the hospital, and Darren wouldn't miss work. We are wanting to get Emma in school in the fall too so I want to get it over with and let her start school. But we do have to wait to get into the drs and those of you who go to alot of drs know that might take a while. We will see. Nothing is 100% for sure about surgery, we just threw that idea around. We won't know anything until we see the dr. All the thearpists are at a loss on what to do with her hips, Poor Amy has tried everything she can think of at this point.

Emma had fun grocery shopping with us yesterday. She has been shopping with us before of course, but this time I took pics because it made MY shopping trip more fun. I hate shopping. Emma did not like the meat section, it was too cold. She liked the candy aisle and the soda aisle. Hmm wonder if I could get M and M's down her mickey button? I know I could get the soda down. LOL

Missing Daniel

Daniel 6:21
Daniel answered, "O king, live forever! My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, O king."

My little friend Daniel is in heaven now, and I keep thinking of that lion's den. Life kind of threw little Daniel in a "lions den" of sorts, a world where he would endure pain and sickness among the happiness in his life. But he never wronged the Lord, he and his family had faith that remained strong and God sent his angels to shut the mouths of the lions and keep him safe. He took him to Heaven so he would not endure hardships like that any more. He is safe, happy, healthy and running up in heaven.

I will forever miss that boy. He was a blessing in my life. He will be with me always.

His parents are hanging in there. They are so much stronger than I could ever be. Pray they continue to draw strength from their faith in the lonely days ahead.

Park trip

Emma went shopping at cvs today and also to the park. Derek went along with her, and Mommy. I put her in the baby swing which was easy, I still had to really support her back so she didnt swing good but it made great pics. Enjoy the pics, they will be the last swing ones. It took me 10 mins to get her OUT of the swing. I was starting to get worried. Thankfully her Bubba helped us out. She had lots of fun and got some new glasses today. Her old sunglasses were getting too small and not very comfy so I got her tinted swimming goggles. They have a strap, and soft squishy rubber around the eyes for comfort. They aren't that dark but I like that, her old ones were so dark we could not tell if she was awake or asleep. The main thing is they will keep wind and dirt of her eyes and provide some UV protection. Emma made sure to take her Homer doll to the park, so she could show everyone how even though her boyfriend "Homer" Daniel is an angel now his life still goes in her heart.

For Daniel...

PIC OF EMMA'S LOCK OF HAIR AND SMALL RED HEART, IN HOMER'S HAND FOR THE FUNERAL, HER PICTURE WAS ALSO IN HIS CASKET.


I wrote this on the plane coming home last night from Emma's boyfriends funeral. I really wanted to share it with everyone, since when they asked at his funeral for people to say a few words, I was upset and not prepared and I don't feel like what I said there was enough for him. So I wrote him a letter.... (BTW Sorry its long and probably full of typos, I am tired)

My dearest Homer,

When I found out you were gone all I could think of was your poor Mommy and Daddy and how terrible they must be feeling. I had a strong urge to get by your Mommy's side as quickly as I could and be there for her and your Daddy.

Things worked out and I got on a plane. All the way to Michigan I didn't know if I should be sad about you, or excited because I was finally going to get to see your handsome face. I knew your spirit was gone, but for some reason I had the overwhelming need to see the perfect body that held you for six and half years. Perfect is what you were, despite your limitations. Perfect on the inside and the outside.

I got the the funeral home and peaked through the crowd and saw you laying in your casket. I started crying very hard. I was rushed with emotions, but mainly guilt. Guilt that the first time I was seeing you was in your casket and not at home watching simpsons or listening to your music. For that I will forever be sorry.

Just then I saw your Mommy. The amazing woman who brought you into this world and loved you so deeply. We hugged and cried and laughed. She said "You are so beautiful" to me but I thought she was crazy. She is the beautiful one not me.

I walked over to get a closer look at the boy who has held Emma's heart and mine for so long. At first I smiled, your Mommy is right you do look a lot like Emma and that warmed my heart. Then I cried, because you were, just like in your pictures, the most handsome boy I have ever seen. Your trach was still in, even if you don't need it where you are now. Your hair was spiked up front, just like your Daddy likes. I remember whispering I love you and I kissed you right between the eyebrows. That was the first spot I kissed all my kids, and you my dear son in law are no exception. I sang you are my sunshine softly into your little ear, kissed your head, heart, hands and eyes. The eyes I heard stories about you "talking" with. The eyes I never got to look into in person and see your soul. But I have felt you, and seen those eyes in pictures so much that I felt as if you spoke to me all along. I kept my promise and pinched those fat cheeks just like I said I would when I first met you, I just wish you had been here to smile inside when I did it.

Your funeral was perfect just like you. Your buddy Jay had us all smiling with his heartfelt speech. Your mommy and daddy spoke and touched all of us. Daddy wrote a beautiful song for you. and Great Aunt Katy and Uncle Ron sang as beautiful as the angels. Ucnle David said a poem, and we knew he loved you so much. Uncle Billy had a letter that was read, I never knew you changed hs life the way you did. said I a little something nothing planned but from my heart. It didn't begin to cover how I feel about you. So here I am on a plane looking out the window and seeing heavens clouds hoping I might get a short glimpse of of you flying by, running and playing in Heaven.

To meet your family was a blessing. To watch the love your Mommy and Daddy have for you, warmed my heart. Your daddy showed me all your tickle spots and kissy spots. Every time he kissed your little body I couldn't help but smile and cry all at the same time. He so loved his boy and always will. I saw what an amazing Mommy you have, when she brought me over and introduced you to me, and fixed your hair and straightened your clothes. You brought me them to my life Homer, and for that I will be forever grateful.

All the service was very nice, yet in the back of my mind, way back there I kept thinking I wish people would hurry up so I could go back up there and kiss you. Then when it was over, I suddenly wished someone else would get up and talk or one more song would play so I didn't have to say goodbye.

My legs could barely carry me as I walked to pay my respects. I know I will see you in Heaven again some day so I didn't say goodbye. I said what any cool 6 and a half year old would say. I said "Later Gator" and imagined you smiling down on me and saying "After while crocodile"

So later, gator save a dance for me in Heaven but make sure to save one for Miss Emma too. She will forever love you, just as we all will. I will miss you every day until then, and keep your pics close to Emma so she won't cry. I will always love you, my dearest son in law.

Love,

Momma2

Prayers for Daniel

" Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4

I will be traveling to Michigan on Thur and returning late friday. Will be going to Daniel's services. Its just me going, I so wish I could take Emma with me. But it is just way too hard to fly with her vent and all her equipment.

I have been thinking so much about him, and greiving so much. He was not my little boy, but I felt almost just as close. He meant so much to our family. He was just like Emma in almost every single way.

Emma leans her head to her right, and Homer liked his left. I always said when they met they could stare at each other all they wanted. God made them for each other.

Its hard to believe he is gone. That one little 6 year old by touched more lives that most adults do in a whole lifetime. I know I am a better person just for knowing him. He has taught me so much about life and love and happiness. He was such a fighter and I hope one day I can be half as strong as he was.

Everyone keep their family in your thoughts. They mean so much to us and I know that prayers are needed for their broken hearts.

In Loving Memory of Daniel

I got a call this morning from Michigan. Emma's little boyfriend Daniel passed away in his sleep last night. His grandma called and told us the news. We are very upset. It was so hard for me to tell Emma the news. She took it as good as any 3 year old could take it. I think she is finding peace knowing he is watching over her, and that is no longer sick. He is with God now dancing and playing and one day we will all have a party in Heaven.

Please everyone pray for his family. I love his Mother dearly and I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling right now. Pray she finds the strength to endure the hardships of the next few days with the funeral and all and pray that she finds the strength to go on without her sweet baby angel.

Update on Emma's owie foot

Update on Emma's little footsie. She is doing better. I guess the drugs are kicking in, and all those prayers from our friends. She is still having some slight fever but her leg is way less red than it was before. She has been such a trooper through it all, what a strong little girl I have. Here are updated pictures, I took them with the flash since its only 6am right now, no real natural light in here. I would say in real life the redness is about a shade darker than it appears in the pictures. That's ok though, its still MUCH better than it was a few days ago.

Prayers needed

Yesterday Emma woke up with an infection in her foot, by the time we got to the doctor at 3, it has moved up to right below her knee in the front. There was nothing we could culture. We are thinking it possibly happened when her pulse ox probe turned her toenail to mush, like it always does even though we move it around all the time to other spots. We recently went from having 4 probes a month to 2 thanks to medicad and I just wonder if they are so dirty they made her sick?

Doctor says its either strep (which he thinks it is) or staph. He gave her a shot of the antibiotic rocephin, in case it was strep and amoxicillin to start today if its strep. Also has her on bactrim to cover it if is staph.

We have to watch it, if it gets worse we have to take her to Children's hopital to have iv antibiotics. We are really hoping to avoid this. Keep us in your thoughts.

Here are some pics of it this morning, it has spread a tiny bit outside the pen lines we drew, but it did that yesterday in the dr office and also a tiny bit right after her shot. Its been the same all night, and this morning its a shade lighter red, with her toe and spot on her shin turning back to pink/white. The pics not too great, if I used the flash it drowned everything out, without the flash was a bit dark so I had to edit it and add some contrast and light and its still not quite right but you get the idea of how sad her little leg looks.
Also put up some pics of her in the van lift bus coming home from the dr and some on the dr table while awaiting her shot.

Rain Rain go away

Just a note for our out of town friends, in case you see Oklahoma flooding on the news. We did ok last night, lots of rain in Norman but nothing too bad. We are all fine. It rained all night long, and so much thunder. I am not sure how much rain we got but I know last night at dinner we had 1.5 inches and that was just during daytime, it got worse last night.

Emma got a bath last night and was really mad at me for putting foot scrub on her dry little feet. I used the new scrub this morning and I can see why. It tickles! All the little pumice stones make your toes tickle. Her foot are much softer though, but boy she yelled at me about it.

Thanks for all those who have sent concern emails over the storms last night. We appreciate you thinking of us. I thought for a while last night it might be time to start building an arc.

The sun is out and its a beautiful day today

Twin sister pics

Ok so I know this is supposed to be Emma's blog, but her family is such a big part of who she is. I thought I might share some pics of her twin sister Ella. It is so hard to believe they are identical twins, they don't look that much alike. That's ok, I never wanted twins that looked alike, I had enough of that growing up! :-)

My poor patio door

Had to make a quick post to share this picture with everyone. Today the mowers at our apartments flung a rock into my sliding glass door. I took some pics and thought they looked neat so wanted to share. A glass company should be by to fix it this afternoon,its only the outer pane of glass thank God. It made huge thud and crack and I think it scared Ella. Thank God Emma was in bed sleeping still, or it would have scared her, she sits by the door all the time.

Emma went to the medieval fair!

This past saturday Emma went to the medieval fair with all of us. She slept through the whole thing! She wore her sunglasses and I kept having to pull them up and check to see if she was awake. Everytime I looked she was snoozing. She got a little bit of a sunburn on her face despite the 4 times I put SPF 50 coppertone on her. It doesn't seem to be bothering her any. The girls got little crowns made from Christmas Garland and Derek got a Jester hat. We had lots of fun. We ran into lots of friends we had not seen in ages. Plus friend Poppy work with, who have never met the girls. It was nice running into them and I am glad they got to see my precious baby girls.

I have enclosed some pics of our fun filled day.

For Emma

Back in my younger days, I was a pretty good writer, not great but good. I enjoyed it very much. Over the years my writing passion has hidden behind kids and PTA meetings, working, and spending time with my husband, dishes and doctors appointments. But tonight I tried to write something for Emma. Its a prose of sorts not really a poem and its not exactly what I wanted it to be but it does a pretty good job of saying what I mean to say so I thought I would share it.


Emma

You can not speak, yet we have spoken a million times
You talk with your heart, and those big brown eyes you got from Daddy
And the two of those, talk louder than the biggest crowd of people

You can not walk, yet we have strolled many a mile in my mind
I see us walking hand in hand skipping and playing and laughing
One day we will do that, if not here on earth, we will in Heaven

You can not dance, yet I have dreamed of a beautiful ballet
One starring you in a fluffy purple tutu and shoes
You will dance one day my love, and I will be there to cheer you on

You are not like the other kids but that is ok
You are more special in every single way
Some see you as "broken" but I see you as whole, because that is what you have made me. Whole.

You are stronger than a lion, more beautiful than the angels
Just the very thought of you makes people smile
And those who are blessed to know you, are better people becasue of it

You can not yell at me when you need my help
You can not say "Momma I need you"
But despite that I will always be there to help, whenever you need me


Your hands can not hold mine unless I help you with them
Once you do hold them though you won't let go
I won't ever let go of you my baby girl, for all eternity I will love you


I asked God to give me a daughter but I think he made a mistake
Not in who you are and what you can do and what you can't
He sent me an angel instead, the most perfect creature I have ever seen

On top of that he sent me two, first my Emma and then little Ella boo
I get so jealous of your twin sister, she is the only one who knew you before you got hurt
Sharing a space inside of me, that only the two of you could know

God sent you here for a reason, and I still haven't figured it out
Was it to make me a stronger Mommy? Or to bless those who know you?
Perhaps it is a bit of both, either one its an honor to be your Mom

My baby girl, you make me so very proud in all you do
And I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve the Honor
of being Called the most beautiful words ever "Emma's Momma".

March 27, 2008

I took the above picture in Oklahoma City near the National Memorial, its called Jesus Weeping. I thought it was a pretty picture to top today's blog.

Emma's great grandma was laid to rest today. It was a beautiful service, very happy and full of friends and family. Even my old school teacher and dear family friend was there, and it really made my day to see her, it had been way to long. I got to brag all day about my kids, and about how special Emma is.

It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining and it made for a perfect day to say goodbye to one of the most perfect and beautiful women I have ever known.

Derek was sick last night throwing up with a fever, and Emma had a slight fever and am wondering if she might have a small cold. So Dad stayed home with them today and got to have a "fun" day too. I don't think they gave him too much trouble.


I am not really in the mood to write, so forgive me for being short, I just wanted to update you all on how the day went.

For Poppy

I love you Poppy. Like Ella said "I am sorry about your Momma" if I could talk I would say that too and when I see you I am going to give you special love. You and I never have needed words Poppy, we just understand each other. I hope you find comfort in knowing that your Mommy won't be hurting anymore and that is she is with angels and having a grand ol' time with your Daddy. If I could I would rub your hair, because just like me, I know it makes you feel relaxed and comfy and I think you need that right now. You are so special to me and I am sending you big big kisses in my head. I love you so much I had Mommy type this so the whole world could see how special you are to me.
Hugs and Kisses,
Emma

March 26, 2008

Emma's great Grandma passed away this week, and her funeral will be tomorrow. She was a wonderful woman, and I can't see myself not making a note here on the blog about her. The kids are not going to the funeral for various reasons, Derek is sick, Ella is young and I don't want her confused, and Emma is kind of hard to move around in a cemetary. But I know they will be there in Sprit. I will go to represent our family and to say my goodbyes.

I went to the funeral home tonight and Betty looks beautiful, the flowers are perfect and everything is set for a loving funeral tomorrow. Her hair was perfectly done which I know she would have been happy about.

I just ask all our readers to pray not for myself, or for Emma but for Dave and Diane who are Betty's children. (Dave is Emma's Poppy I have metioned here a million times) I know it will be a hard time for them both and for her children as well as my sister and myself but Dave and Diane both have done their parts the last few years to make sure their mom had a good life and was taken care of. Their sorrow must be very hard to bare, but we all understand she is with the Lord now and in a place she can no longer hurt or be sick. She is with her husband and that is a big comfort for all of us she left behind. She had a long and wonderful life, and I feel blessed to have been a part of that.

Here is her obit for those interested.
Betty Hayward, 90, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, died Monday, March 24, 2008, in Norman, Oklahoma. Funeral Services will be held at 1 p.m., Thursday, March 27, 2008, at the Havenbrook Funeral Home Chapel with Reverend Pam Normile officiating. Interment will follow at the Rose Hill Cemetery in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Services are under the direction of Havenbrook Funeral Home of Norman, Oklahoma.Betty Hayward was born in Denver, Colo. on June 18, 1917, to Charles and Myrtle Clark. She grew up in her beloved Palmer Lake, Colo. until she went away to Colorado College in Colorado Springs. She always thought of that as such a "magical time". That also being the time when she met her future husband, Bob Hayward. They were married July 31, 1938 and spent the next 52 years together until his death in October of 1990.A devoted wife, mother, and homemaker, Betty also enjoyed playing bridge and community volunteer work. In 1973 a debilitating stroke limited her activities somewhat, but never her spirit or resolve.Betty was also preceded in death by her parents and her oldest son, Robert C. Hayward. She is survived by two sisters, Charlene McCall of Colorado Springs, Colo. and Muriel Anderson of Montrose, Colo; daughter and son-in-law, Diane and Ken Dragg, and two grandsons, Ryan and Chris Dragg, all of Norman; a son, David Hayward, and daughter-in-law, Jean Cochran and two granddaughters, Lisa Pergande and Lori Richards all of Norman; and a granddaughter, Tiffany Stewart of Bakersfield, Calif. Six great grandchildren survive her as well.

HAPPY EASTER

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead "1 Peter 1:3

We had a great Easter here at home. Emma got a cross, a webkinz doll that is a pink poodle, a chocolate bunny and got to hunt eggs thanks to the Easter bunny. The first pic I posted is of her HOPE cross. I love it, the "Easter bunny" did a good job finding it for her. She got the chocolate bunny even if she can't eat it because its tradition and I didn't want her to feel left out.

Daddy got called into to work early so we had to rush a bit today but all in all it was good. The kids hunted eggs and then we ate spiral cut glazed ham, mashed potatos, green beans, hawaiian rolls, deviled eggs and black olives. Ella put all the olives on her fingers and at them off, it was funny.

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL OUR FRIENDS!!

Sunday March 16, 2008

Well, turns out the metro lift bus does not run to my Mom's on Saturdays. Yesterday was their annual egg hunt at their neighboorhood pond/park and Emma could not attend. We just couldn't get her and all her stuff in a car, there is too much to bring. But next year we will ride on Friday and spend the whole weekend and return on Monday.

Ella and Derek did go. I will have some pictures later I might post. The kids hunt by age groups and in each group their were 2 golden eggs. Ella found one! She turned it in for a $5 walmart card. Derek was really upset over that and cried and threw a huge fit, it was embarrising so his Poppy walked him all the way around the pond and home, to avoid onlookers and by the time we all got home he was calmed down and wanted to open his eggs he got.

It was nice to go over there, but I missed Emma. My mother made a wonderful ham and it was very tasty. I want more, and it makes my mouth water thinking of it.

Emma slept most of the day according to dad, so I don't think she cared. Nanny sent home a present for her, it was a little turtle figurine she can look at. I guess since I love turtles Emma will too. She loved looking at it last night when I was doing her physical therapy. Ahh phsyical therapy. Let me just say that big kids in diapers is no fun. I was moving her around and about that time she decided it was time to wet her diaper, but it had shifted and bunched and she wet all over her bed! Had to change her wet pad she lays on at and she was pretty mad that she got wet. She yelled through her trach at me.

Still no nursing to be heard of, but that is fine with our family, the last few weeks have been wonderful we can all sleep at normal hours, and go at our own pace, no strangers bringing in sick germs and attitudes and its nice to raise my child without outside help, it just feels so "normal".

Have a blessed Sunday everyone! Thanks for stopping by

Memories....

Emma's grandma (NANNY) found some old pics of Emma that I had never seen so I thought I would share them with you all. They are too precious for words, I can't believe that she was ever that small. I remember holding her and thinking her head was as small as an apple. Her whole hand could barely wrap around your finger she was so tiny. She is all grown up now, and its so hard to believe! I am so proud of my girl.


Dec 2004 getting her trach suctioned


Emma Feb.. 13, 2005 she had already had CPR done on her 2 times at this size!


Early 2005



early 2005



early 2005


Dec 2004, the day she came home from the hospital


Mommy and Emma on the day she came hom Dec 2004


Poppy and Emma early 2005

March 4, 2008

Well there isn't much to update but I thought I better before everyone thinks Emma forgot about them! She is finally over being sick and is doing great. She has been busy watching nascar on Sunday's with Mommy, which I love.

We switched to day time nursing with our nursing company 3 days a week 12 hour shifts but so far they haven't found me anyone that will work out. So we are without nursing right now, which is fine by me. Having somewhere here during the day is weird. They are doing all the work I am capable of doing myself. Emma just requires such little nursing care that I feel like we are wasting valuable nurses having them here.

I know some kids are in hospitals waiting to go home, because they can't find nurses to cover there shifts. It seems like such a waste for us to be hogging the nurses just to start Emma's feedings and change her diapers. I can do that! I don't mind. Its been a lot more normal around here lately, and for once in 3 years I feel like a regular family. Emma hasn't been in the hospital, we don't have nurses hanging around, and everything is running smoothly. Honestly all the nursing company does is stress me out, trying to send people who have no idea what they are doing out here, that sort of thing.

I guess about a week ago, Emma's brother Derek lost another tooth. That is 4 since Dec. and he has 2 more loose but we aren't wiggling them. If the looses those he will have 4 gone on top and it will make it hard for him to eat! He got a dollar from the tooth fairy and he was very excited.

Not much else going on, other than counting down until Easter. This year I have it planned out to take the small metro bus over to my Mom's with Emma that way she can do the Easter Egg hunt that Mom's home owners do over there. The Easter Bunny will be there and it will be neat to get Emma's picture with her. Derek and Ella can ride with my mother and we will all be there for Easter fun. The kids always have fun doing that, last year it got cancelled because it snowed, I hope it doesn't snow this year.

That's my short update for now, sorry but there just isn't that much to share lately, Emma is doing wonderfully.